Best Of 2011 Reader's Choice
We’re officially hypocrites. As many of our advertisers are in full awareness of our stated contempt for “Best Of” issues. Regardless of who prints it, it’s all bullshit. It’s a random compilation of reader’s votes, but not everybody votes. Not even close. The end result is always going to be the voice of the minority. Or in some cases, the voice of the publication itself. Which is even more worthless.
City Beat, Metro-Mix and Cincy Vibe are all fueled by advertising dollars. Lose the ads, lose the publication. Over time, the line between honest promotion and ad revenue based promotion becomes muddy.
Fact is, industry norm is to just roll on with the money train and print shameless ad-editorial articles to keep those check writing clients happy. “The food is great, the place is great, the price is great yada yada yada... No article (or ad space) is more important than in the annual Best Of issues.
In 2009 CV banned the notion of Best Of’s. That year Burger King almost won Best Burger, Olive Garden won Best Italian, Taco Bell almost won Best Mexican. It was shocking. This just couldn’t go on. It’s a waste of paper and resources.
Apparently, that’s not what the people want. They want the Best Of back, readers and advertisers alike. We put up with the gruff over killing it off and finally we brought it back, for one more try.
We decided, if readers voted fast food was the Best at everything, we just wouldn’t print it. But to our surprise, they didn’t. We did print a warning in our previous issue to that effect.
Here it is. The 2011 Cincy Vibe Best Of issue. Is it right? Is it fair? Is it fact? NO. It’s just the results from readers who bothered to vote on their favorite places (and advertisers who promoted themselves no doubt). Same as with any other Best Of issue in any other paper.
Read it. Enjoy it. Laugh at it. Scoff at it and maybe even explore off it. Whatever you do, don’t take it as fact. Nor our opinion. It’s really just a (hopefully) entertaining way of presenting our reader’s tastes. Same as all the other rags. Trust no-one! Try everything! So here’s what the public wanted us to print. Enjoy and have a laugh. Thank God it’s over.
BEST ITALIAN
Pompilio’s Restaurant
600 Washington Ave. Newport, KY 41071
(859) 581-3065
Most don’t know that Pompilio’s was won on a bet by Colonel Pampilio in 1932. The previous owner “Pappy the Brick” drunkenly bet the Colonel he could one arm box anyone in Newport and knock them out in 2 rounds. Seeing opportunity he bet one years salary and two civil war canons against Pappy’s restaurant (Pappy’s Irish Pub).
The next day, the Colonel appeared in the street out front of Pappy’s with a beautiful Irish girl in the makeshift boxing ring. Pappy put up his dukes, the girl pulled up her dress and the two were married eight days later. Colonel Pompilio had a restaurant and Pappy had a wife.
All kidding aside, this place is all around
awesome and worth the wait, or the drive.
BEST CAJUN
Anna Ree’s Andouilles
1329 US 52 New Richmond, OH 45157
(513) 699-4102
There are no better tables in the city than the ones under the shade trees to sit back and enjoy Andouille’s hand crafted Cajun culinary delights. The food, the view, the music, the vibe and the flavors all come together to create true Cajun. It’s a one of kind experience around here. And one well worth writing about if for no other reason than to remind folks Cajun is more than a menu. It’s a way of life.
BEST MEXICAN
El Rancho Grande
Multiple Locations
Rio Grande
Multiple Locations
La Mexicana
642 Monmouth St. Newport, KY 41071
(859) 261-6112
Get it straight. La Mexicana is where Mexicans eat. El Rancho and Rio Grande are where Mexicans make food for gringos to eat. Same with Cazadores, Acapulco, El Coyote or anything with the word “Taco” or “Casa” in it’s name. It’s all gringo. Nada, El Jinete and El Picante (among others) serve Mexican-American fusion that’s fine fare for a good dinner. But only two serve true Mexican, La Mexicana and Taqueria Mercado. If there is no brain, tripe or tongue on the menu, there are no sopes, tortas, tamales or flautas either, it’s not really Mexican. If you’re eating it, smiling away, thinking it is, you’re a gringo. No kidding, that’s what gringo means.
BEST INDIAN
Ambar India
350 Ludlow Avenue, Cincinnati, OH 45220
(513) 281-7000
Royal Taj
7711 Beechmont Avenue, Cincinnati, OH 45202
(513) 231-0500
You can’t say you often find a bad Indian place. Most have something really good. Both Royal Taj and Ambar India are consistently voted as having wowed their customers with their food year after year. Including this year.
BEST PIZZA
Deweys Pizza
Multiple Locations
Jet’s Pizza
Multiple Locations
These two indies squeezed past LaRosas to steal the gold and silver. Hard to believe. To many Buddy’s the king of Cincy pizza and always will be.
BEST VEGETARIAN
Melt Eclectic Deli
4165 Hamilton Avenue, Cincinnati, OH 45223
(513) 681-6358
The Veg Head
920 Loveland Madeira Road, Loveland, OH 45140-2706
(513) 697-7090
Melt Eclectic Deli serves things like veggie biscuits and gravy, veggie chili dogs, fresh berry waffles and other eclectic offerings. They do offer meat dishes such as the Yeehaw Chicken, a crowd fave. Being Northside, obviously the vibe is piercings, tattoos, old Army clothes and thrift store wear. Portions and prices are the main complaint but the food quality rarely is.
The Veg Head is more than a vegetarian restaurant. Meat dishes like the Philly Cheese steak pleases the non-veggies and cheap lunch deals pleases the drive thru regulars who are curious enough to bother to walk in and wait a few minutes to get a lunch. They provide organic school lunches, they recycle so much they have no trash cans and they make compost from all the food waste that’s used on a local tea farm. You can drink some of the tea while you’re there. That is if you bother to get off your ass and actually walk in and order. I know it’s rough, but you can do it! Just keeping saying... “I think I can I think I can I think I can...”
Why did the tofu cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Best Pub Grub
Putter’s Tavern
(all 3 Locations)
Want to see a bad ass burger? Doesn’t the photo say it all? Just look at the daily made-from-scratch food specials! Aside from the good food one thing that really sets Putter’s apart from all other pubs is the owner Jan. This lady built her first pub, hands on, scraping up tile, restoring old equipment, painting, staffing, contracting, she did it all. She still does. Every Putter’s has her woman’s touch, the flowers in the squeaky clean restrooms give her away right off the bat.
What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning?
Well, it’s back to the old grind!
BEST BBQ
City BBQ
Multiple Locations
Walts BBQ
6040 Colerain Avenue, Cincinnati, OH 45239-6416
(513) 923-9800
The best CIncy BBQ went out of business (Woe is Me). With what we have left, City BBQ’s smoked meats take the Gold.
Walt’s BBQ served us a piece of fish we will not soon forget. Fabulous. The brisket not so much. The ribs, very decent.
A husband was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed next to it. Noticing her girth, the man says to his wife “Damn, your butt is getting about as wide as this grill!”
She was pissed but went on weeding silently but infuriated.
Later that night in bed, her husband started to rub on her large asset and tugged her pajamas. The wife calmly brushed off his hand, pulled up her covers and said, “If you think I’m gonna fire up this big grill for just that one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken.”
BEST BURGER
Terry’s Turf Club
4618 Eastern Ave, Cincinnati, OH 45226
(513) 533-4222
Sidebar
322 Greenup St, Covington, KY 41011
(859) 431-3456
Zip’s Cafe
1036 Delta Avenue, Cincinnati, OH 45208
(513) 871-9876
It’s a little known fact that Terry Carter (Terry’s Turf Club) had a powerful lust for a fine burger, and for unknown reasons decided to try an unlabeled vial of spice left in his apartment from the previous tenant. The tenant was a French Indian guru in exile from a Costa Rican culinary cult hell bent on perfecting a mind melting drug they could mix into food.
Terry bravely mixed this unknown magic spice blend into his burger meat and loved it so much he made a dozen more. Terry quickly borrowed $23,000 from his brother to have the spices identified in a lab.
Once he had the formula, he opened Terry’s Turf Club and the rest is history. The Culinary club discovered Terry’s secret and filed litigation, but the complaint was dismissed as they won’t disclose their formula to the court for comparison. True? Not likely. But what else could it be?
Sidebar’s burger is the gem of the list. Magically meaty and smoky. A secret seasoning that rivals Terry’s. A Servatii bun, fresh toppings, a plethora of signature style. Huge portions and a basket size side of tater tots. Not to mention, a whole dill pickle (the good kind). Spice fans should try the Devil’s Advocate. It comes with pepper jack cheese, jalapenos and Sidebar’s Devil’s Crotch sauce. Unlike Terry’s Sidebar offers ample seating, friendly service and on burger specials. A burger is just $3.50 on Sundays.
Zip’s always wins a spot on the list and we’ll never know what readers see in it. Small, lumpy under seasoned patty. Kroger style cheapo white bread bun. Shiny plastic wrapped cheese (most likely). Generic frozen fries and a notso cheap tab. Their “Queen City Mett” topper says it all. It’s like backyard cookout food without the grill flavor. It’s better than fast food by far, but best in the City? Thousands think so.
BEST GYRO
Sebastian’s Gyros
5209 Glenway Avenue, Cincinnati, OH 45238
(513) 471-2100
Greek To Me
Multiple Locations
Get it right people, say “Yee Row”, not “Guy Row!”
Aaahh. Old man Sebastian is indeed the main man when it comes to gyros. Fresh hot chewy pita, more than enough meat-seared to a crisp on the edges. Served with rich creamy home made Tazaki sauce and a Greek smile. It doesn’t get better. The Greek sausage version is awesome too. And the desserts.
Greek To Me proves looks can be deceiving. This chain is in unnoticeable locations but those who seek it out are rewarded with good food. Portions are nothing to brag about but the quality is there.
The Greek economy has hit such a low that the national currency may soon be switched from euros... to gyros.
BEST CHINESE BUFFET
Rong Tan’s
606 Ohio Pike, Cincinnati, OH 45245
(513) 752-1907
Twin Dragon Buffet & Grill
7763 Tylersville Road, West Chester Township
(513) 759-9777
Rong Tan’s is guaranteed by the owner to be 100% feline free, seriously!
Not to mention half laid back lounge by day and half dance club by night. They have a $5 lunch buffet and a $9 dinner buffet. You can add Alaskan Crab for $11 and it’s cooked to order and brought out to your table. That all sounds great but the entree dishes are the big deal. The Orange Beef (or Shrimp) can hold it’s own against any and make most look like something from Sam’s Club freezers. Their burgers kick ass too. What other Chinese place can say that?
Twin Dragon has not been certified feline free (that we are aware of). But had many votes, so it must be good, whatever it is.
How Sichuan Bistro and Grand Oriental didn’t make the list is a mystery. We call it, The Great Chinese Food Mystery of 2011.
Confucius says “Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.”
BEST INDIAN BUFFET
New Krishna
11974 Lebanon Rd # 100, Cincinnati, OH
(513) 769-6266
Azad India Restaurant
4762 Cornell Rd. Blue Ash, Ohio 45241
(513) 530-9999
The best Indian buffet debate will never end. Don’t forget Royal Taj, Indian Bistro, Shaan India and Kanak India. All better than most you’ll find in the city. New Krishna has decent food but the staff needs a new attitude. As it is the only Indian dinner buffet in town, they do alright anyway.
Azad on the other hand has a great attitude. And great food. They just added a new patio and now offer beer & wine. The only Indian buffet we know of that features Asian-Indian on a daily basis (and on the menu). One such dish (Gobi Manchurian) is a stand out. The lightly breaded and fried cauliflower flowerets are tossed in a sweet-spicy sauce. They are awesome. And they go great with beer. Think, boneless wings for vegetarians. I wish they sold them by the bucket.
BEST BURRITO
Chipotle
Multiple Locations
Moes Southwest Grill
Multiple Locations
The word “Chipotle” refers to fire roasted jalapeno peppers. The burrito joint of the same name actually does not offer chipotle peppers whatsoever (except in a bought-in bottled) sauce. They should have called it “No Chipotle.”
The “Big as a baby” burrito craze is full swing. Aside from Moe’s, Hot Head Burrito recently added Cincy locations to their Chipotle Rip-Off chain. Of course the singular “Lime” in Newport is truly the tastiest burrito based joint of them all.
How many teenagers does it take to eat a leftover burrito? Three, one to put it in the microwave, one to take pics with her phone for facebook and one to tweet about it.
BEST RIBS
Montgomery Inn
Both Locations
City BBQ
Multiple Locations
The art of slow roasting spare ribs was created out of desperation. During slavery, slave owners gave the slaves only the pieces of meat they saw as undesirable such as feet, tails, wings, ears, chitlins and ribs (among others). Using what they had, the talented African cooks perfected a way to turn the tough rib meat tender and delicious. Today, people pay top dollar for this cheap once considered useless cut of meat (without even considering it’s roots). That’s no joke either.
You go to Montgomery Inn to get sweet baked ribs. You got to City BBQ to get smoked ribs. The fact that there is no tipping at City BBQ is a plus. The turkey is awesome.
BEST WINGS
Quaker Steak & Lube
Multiple Locations
BW3’s
Multiple Locations
Another slave creation that America eventually caught on to and can’t get enough of. The first chicken wings served in a restaurant is commonly credited to the Anchor Bar in Buffalo. However, the first official record is for a business named “John Young’s Wings ‘n Things”. Today wings are a big business but some wings are bigger than others. BW3’s sells the little bitty wings, Quaker Steak sells the big ones. Not to mention they offer the hottest sauce allowed by law. And giant beer bongs at your table. Who else has that?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
She wanted to see a man lay a brick.
BEST CHILI
Skyline
Multiple Locations
Gold Star
Multiple Locations
Camp Washington
3005 Colerain Ave Cincinnati, OH 45225
(513) 541-0061
The only time you can say “Hey honey, I could really go for a nice hot steamy three-way tonight” to your wife (and not get slapped) is when you’re talking about Cincy Chili. Everyone has a fave and the debate will go on forever.
A man walks into a chili parlour and orders a bowl of chili. The waitress tells him that the man in the next booth ordered the last one. He joins the man, see’s he has a full bowl and asks “Say, may I have your chili?” The man says, sure. The guy starts eating until he comes to the bottom of the bowl and see’s a dead mouse. He vomits into the bowl, the other man says - yeah, I did the same thing.
BEST DESSERT
The Cheesecake Factory
7875 Montgomery Rd, Cincinnati, OH 45236
(513) 984-6911
The BonBonerie
2030 Madison Rd, Cincinnati, OH 45208
(513) 321-3399
Oooh dessert, I’m not sure the crowd, confusion and two hour wait at the Cheesecake factory are worth it. But you could always opt for a slice to-go and skip the flat out madness of getting a table.
BonBonerie is a story of an exceptional wedding cake chef gone wild. This over the top sweet treat spot is known for whimsical offerings and decadent desserts. Expensive and exclusive. Many swear by the experience.
What happens when you fall in love with pastry chef?
They dessert you.
BEST BAKERY
Busken Bakery
Multiple Locations
Servatii Pastry Shop & Deli
Multiple Locations
When it comes to the best buns Deja Vue has them all beat. But for a hot roll, or pretzel bun Servatii serves it up right.
Busken is a Cincy legend like LaRosas. What else can we say.
A baker just stopped making donuts one day.
He said he got sick of the hole thing.
Rowdiest Band
Naked Karate Girls (pictured)
Gangbox
Color Blind
NKG stole the Gold and no one can deny their merit. They run ‘round the audience before taking the stage with sirens, confetti bombs and high powered toilet paper blowers. They pass out trays of shots mid show, they have a pvc high pressure air pipe that whips unsuspecting skirts straight up hidden in the front row floor. They fill clubs (big clubs) to capacity with hundreds of dancing-screaming fans at will. “Rowdiest Band”, is just one award they should win.
A struggling musician is walking down an alley when he discovers a bottle containing a genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, “Peace on earth, that’s my wish.” The genie looks concerned, then says “No, I’m sorry, that’s just not possible. Some things just can’t be changed. Do you have another wish?” The guys says “I want my band to be world famous!” That would be my wish.” The genie pauses for another moment and then says “How would you define peace?”
Best Guitar Player
Sonny Moorman
Cincy’s best guitar man. A musician the city could back and put up to go head to head with any other cities best guy. If there was a Six String Super Bowl, Sonny would put Cincy in the finals year after year. Much unlike our inconsistent football team. If Sonny was our national Cincy rep for once we would be the loud & the proud.
How does a guitar player change a light bulb?
He just holds the bulb and waits for the bulb to revolve around him..
Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
So the rest of the band can understand them.
Best Bass Player
Steve Snyder (BackBeat)
Chip Stewart (My Sister Sarah)
We’re selling Stevie short giving him Best Bass. He’s just as strong and talented on guitar, drums, vocals and who knows what else. Best Accordion wouldn’t be a surprise. Stevie’s dad taught his sons (Steve, Jake and Zak) to play everything, just “in case you have to” when you’re laying live and someone bails. And this was in pre-school. Seriously. The boys can jam. They’re prodigies.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a bassist’s arm?
A tattoo.
Have you heard about the bass player who locked his keys in his car and nearly missed his gig?
It took him 45 minutes to get his drummer out.
Best Drummer
Lt. Jack Woo (Naked Karate Girls)
Doug Morgan (Livid)
Jamie Combs
OOOH Jack Woo! Jack has his chops. He flows through hip hop and punk rock with little effort, and does it in fine comedic style. Doug beats like he’s off his meds. But when it comes to all out mesmerizing ability and ingenuity, Jamie steals the crown. Bar none The Best Drummer you’ll probably ever see. Funny thing, he mostly plays guitar and sings.
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
Gifted.
Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
Me neither.
Best Keyboardist
Rick Nye
Boogie Woogie Baby! Check this out, if you love the 50’s 60’s key slides like Ricky Nye does so well, check out Blair Carmen on Jan 7th. at K.C’s Pub. Ricky, you too should be there. Of course I’m sure he knows Blair as there just can’t be that many musicians that rip up this Boogie Woogie around here like these two do.
What did the keyboard player say when the bass player asked him how to spell “Mississippi?”
The river or the state?
Best Singer
Christe Ross (Livid)
Corey Ziehm (My Sister Sarah)
Joey Vasselet (Rootbound)
All good choices though Corey would probably rather win Best Hip Hop rapper. Chris shines on his original release “Aoaé.”
Joey earned his place on the list with Rootbound’s “Whole Lotta Trouble”.
Both bands are enjoying making new fans with their original work on reverbnation.com
“How do you know when there’s a singer at your front door?
Because he can’t find the key, and doesn’t know when to come in.”
Best Original Band
Rootbound
Specyphi
Vaughn & Company
What! No Dan Varner Band? C’Mon people! Nevertheless all three bands have fine offerings in self produced original work. But the DVB’s “From Within” should have made the list. If not stole it.
Best Cover Band
Naked Karate Girls
Told you so. The results are 100% pure reader
votes. But, we knew this was coming. Who can topple the mighty Naked Karate Girls?
Best Jam Band
Jerry’s Little Band
Marvelous musicianship is what makes the Jerry’s Little Band show so special. The fact that these guys mix in a lot of deep tracks like The Other One, Deal, Eyes Of The World, Throwing Stones and Ramble On Rose with the more traditional tunes like Sugar Magnolia and Uncle Johns Band keeps it entertaining for connoisseurs and casual listeners alike. Even hard core Dead Heads will dig it. In true Dead form, they also throw in a few Bob Dylan, Stones and Phish tunes too. Same feel, vibe, groove and moves as the Dead. These guys are deep into it. A must see for all GD fans.
How many guitar players does it take to cover a Stevie Ray Vaughan tune ?
Evidently all of them.
Best Blues Band
Sonny Moorman
Again. Sonny’s the man. His original work is second to none. He has a comprehensive discography . Some think he’s at his best when he’s straining the strings on an Allman Bros tune but when you’re in the mood for soothing blues acoustic or otherwise, Sonny’s Blues will bring tears to your eyes.
What’s the inscription on a dead blues-singer’s tombstone?
I didn’t wake up this morning...
Best Country Band
Dallas Moore & The Snatch Wranglers
Down & Dirty Southern Rock. Greasy, gritty, bold and tattooed... and that’s just the guitars. The band is a black leather clad band of die hard Dixie fans and if you don’t like it... screw you and the Honda you rolled in on. A Southern man don’t need you around anyhow! If you do like it, good for you. If you don’t... like I said, keep it to yourself, you’d be ill advised to start yappin’ yankee around this crowd. Crowd? Yeah there’s definitely a crowd wherever these ‘ole boys set up
He’s what you think of when you think Sturgis. Dallas should be the house band for the Full Throttle Saloon. His original work is a great listen. The track “Blame It On The Weed” was picked by Showtime’s “Weeds” and he’s done other national level shows and new things are in the works as well.
Thing is Dallas isn’t a Country band. The Dan Varner band is, and they are the Best. Dallas is Southern Rock. This is why we hate Best Of’s, but we print it like it comes in. Even if it’s stupid.
A medical student was in the morgue one day practicing before the final exams.
He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and found a cork in the corpse’s rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, it began singing “On the road again... Just can’t wait to get on the road again...”
The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.
“Look at this. This is really something!” the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.
“On the road again... Just can’t wait to get on the road again...”
“So what?” The Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student’s discovery.
“But isn’t that the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?” Asked the student.
“Are you kidding?” Replied the Examiner, “Any ass hole can sing country music.”
Best 80’s Band
Devils Due
Straight outta Hit Parade! These guys look like the centerfold posters you had on your walls growing up. The band is all pro ex-original musicians who decided to theme a new band and go hardcore cover in an effort to finally make some money. They play nothing but one after another #1 hits from every 80’s & 90’s band that mattered. Perfect searing vocals, costumes and lighted platforms for screaming solos make you feel like your there again. It worked, they get good money and stay booked. 80’s Big Hair is back.
Best Modern Rock Band
Livid
The originals on Livid’s debut release (Aoaé) put into clear perspective the ambition, talent and effort this band has. The 10 track compilation stacks up to the music Livid covers. The production is high quality. itunes sales will determine if Aoaé has the song writing material people like Disturbed fans can embrace.
Problem is, the band hardly ever plays live. When they do it’s capacity. But they do have four show dates over the next two months and that’s a lot based on their previous schedules. They got the goods. In spades. And they have a new album coming out now.
Why do drummers leave their sticks on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped zone.
Best Tribute Band
After Midnight
No Saints No Saviors
No Saints No Saviors. No damn doubt about it. This collective outweighs the collection of the individuals. A behemoth powering through the building with authority and reminiscence. It is an unstoppable force that seizes your attention, demands it actually and rewards you with the divine dynamics Duane and Gregg became so famous for. It’s as good as the Allman Brothers ever were and probably better than they are today. Before you altogether freak out about that statement (It is bold) go see for yourself.
After Midnight is not a tribute band! This is why we hate Best Of’s. Nothing against the band. They play great classic rock & roll. “ A tribute to the 70’s “ is not the same as a tribute band.
Best Solo Act
Bob Cushing
Ronnie Vaughn
OMEB
Bob is a dreamer, a realist, a poet, a picker, a drinker, a smoker, a toker, a lover, an artist and a friend. Bob has a transparent soul. He is what he sings, he sings what he lives and he don’t give a damn if that ain’t your thing. I wish we had 2000 more like ya. Imagine, an Army of Bob’s, crazy. Nevertheless we’re glad to have just the one. If you haven’t seen the Westside Legend don’t refrain he can’t keep up this pace forever. Then again, Keith Richards does!
Ronnie Vaughn is a musical hustler. He’s one full band, one duo (Gangbox) and one solo act. His original work has merit in it’s comedy, it’s song writing and it’s pickin’.
OMEB (One Man Electrical Band) is an anomaly in the local industry. This guy plays solo with backing tracks of the drums, bass and vocals. Thing is, he recorded the backing tracks, playing every instrument to every song and mixed as well. Madness. He has had much success with his School of Rock teaching kids to tear up the rock band instrument of their choice. He holds an annual recital that any music fan should attend. It’s amazing, these kids play better than many local band musicians. OMEB should be proud.
How do guitar teachers traditionally greet each other?
“Hi. I’m better than you.”
Best Neighborhood Bar
The Lounge
7740 Beechmont Ave Cincinnati, OH 45255
(513) 231-2401
Another pub owned by a woman who takes pride in her business. The Lounge is completely staffed by women as well. Owner Mary also packs her pub with a woman’s touch such as the free appetizers for the hungry and the super cleanliness throughout. You can even smell the clean when you walk in! The ladies behind the bar take care of the ladies at the bar too. Girls, you won’t have to worry about guys bothering you here, just mention to the staff you’re not there to be pawed on and they make certain you have a nice “paw free” time. A gem of a neighborhood pub if there ever was one.
What do you say to a bartender in a suit?
“Will the defendant please rise.”
Best Pub
Ricks Tavern & Grille
5955 Boymel Dr # 5, Fairfield, OH 45014-5541
(513) 874-1992
Ricks is more of a hot club band venue by night, a pub by day. Owner Steve is a sharp talent scout. He books the hottest bands in Cincy long before the other clubs get wind of them. You’ll see top name acts and if you don’t know the names, they are soon to be top names. A great place to see big bands up close and personal. Laid back vibe and good food.
Best Band Venue
Knotty Pine
6947 Cheviot Road, Cincinnati, OH 45247
(513) 741-3900
A Westside legend. Check out their new gigantic patio, it’s massive! The Pine has live music 7 days a week. They have an amazing band schedule (Dallas Moore plays every Wednesday). They book only the best and somehow snag good bands that no one else books. It’s cool, casual and laid back. It feels more like a house party than a club.
A boss at the pub went up to the bartender and asked, “Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!”
“Oh no, sir, I sure haven’t,” replied the bartender.
The boss replied, “Good, in that case then, YOU fire her!”
Bar Seventy One
8850 Governors Hill Drive, Cincinnati, OH
(513) 774-9697
A classy band venue. This is where you go when you grow up, but still party. Bar 71 features a full stable of fine Phillies, they could do a Server Calendar Girl photo shoot and sell the hell out of sexy 2012 “Girls of Bar 71” calendars. The dress is above par, the music is above par and the service is damn sexy. They have good food too. People forget you can eat here. The new Flipdaddy’s next door will see many customers but all those burger buyers would do themselves a big favor by driving on by and buying a Bar 71 burger instead. No doubt about it. Take the Challenge, see for yourself. Same goes for Five Guys down the street.
A rabbi, a priest, and a bishop walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
Rick’s Tavern & Grille
5955 Boymel Dr # 5, Fairfield, OH 45014-5541
(513) 874-1992
Again, Rick’s top notch band schedule rivals any in town.
Jefferson Hall
1 Levee Way # 2118, Newport, KY 41071
(859) 491-6200
This is where you go if your 21-25, hot, wild and looking for a Sex On The Beach and some sex with a peach. This is the Girls Gone Wild club in town. The band schedule is a who’s who list of the top names that appeal to the younger crowd. All you gals out there that think your hot... slip into your club wear and step into J-Hall on a weekend night. You’ll probably find you’re not-so-hot as you thought. It’s a never-ending frat party, they have live music 7 days a week too. Plus, by far the best smoking patio period. And you don’t even need to go outside to smoke!
At a dance club a man walks up to the bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the hot blonde girls sitting next to him and says, ‘’You wanna hear a blonde joke?’’ One girl replies, ‘’I am married to a 240 pound, world kickboxing champion and a he’s a natural blonde. And my blonde girlfriend here is a US Marshall. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?’’
The man thinks for a while and replies, ‘’Not if I have to explain it three times.’’
J&B Tavern
4056 Mount Carmel Tobasco Rd, Cincinnati, OH (513) 688-0000
Many overlook this little hotel pub but when you look at their band schedule you’ll take notice. They book many of the same bands the big band venues do. In fact they discover a few bands of their own as well. They recently booked the all girl band Rock Candy and the Livid-like hard rock newbies Specyphi.
To date the only place we have ever seen Dan Varner Band and the Kenny Welch Band both on one stage in one night. Nick played his fiddle standing bar top while Kenny and Dan walked through the crowd playing and singing.
Best Dance Bar and
Best New Bar
The Venue
9956 Escort Drive Mason, Ohio 45040
513-336-7200
A Shangrila of sexy. They outclass Boogie nights by a wide margin. The single hottest dance club in Cincy. Dress to impress, designer labels and designer legs are the norm here. The food is high quality, the drinks are high quality (they do a Coyote Ugly on the bar every Saturday night at midnight) and the staff is sexy. A great place to meet and mingle. Marvelous fireplace smoking patio.
Some really hot chick walks up to the bartender and says in a sexy seductive voice, “May I please speak to your manager?” He says, “Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?” She replies, “I don’t know if your the man to talk to... its kind of personal...” Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, “I’m pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss.” She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth... and he begins sucking them, thinking “I’m in!!!” She goes, “Can you give the manager something for me?” The bartender nods... yes. “Tell him there’s no toilet paper in the ladies restroom.”
Best Dive Bar
Dew Drop Inn
8956 Harrison Pike, Cleves, OH 45002-9757
(513) 353-1854
A beloved Westside dive where everybody knows your name but are too drunk to remember it.
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: “Paint…my…house.”
Mount Lookout Tavern
3209 Linwood Avenue, Cincinnati, OH 45226
(513) 871-9633
The local college drunks have loved this place for decades. Hard drinking frat & sorority crowds provide so much entertainment you wonder why they even bother to book a band. This is the place to find a one night stand if there was one.
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.
The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.
A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries “Damn Man! How many bars do you work at?”
Best Bar Promotions
J&B’s Tavern
4056 Mount Carmel Tobasco Rd, Cincinnati, OH (513) 688-0000
Seven days a week this Eastside hotel bar offers things you’d only see on the weekends at other bars. Karaoke contests, original bands, cover bands, cheap tacos, two football party nights, tons of food deals & specials plus promos like Meet A Bengal and Golf Outings. There is always something going on. There is a lot going on in the kitchen too like big meals, big appetizers and specials. We love the big soft pretzels in the late night.
Best Place To Play Games
Dave & Busters
I guess that depends on the games you want to play now doesn’t it?
A man walks into an arcade-bar and asks, ‘Do you serve underage women in this bar?” “Not anymore,” replies the barman, “Now you have to bring your own.”
Best Place To Watch Games
BW3’s
Putter’s Taven
(All 3 locations)
Putter’s is a great place to see the game. Big wings and even bigger burgers go perfect with the cheap drafts. The staff are all in jerseys
(some for cincy, some not) so the vibe stays strong. Big TV’s all around ensure a view. The only way they could do better would be by turning the jersey clad servers into full blown cheerleaders, pom poms and all. They could be taking your order then suddenly turn, backflip and cheer in unison for the touchdowns across the restaurant. What a pub that would be!
The Best thing about BW3’s is the draft cider. It’s a serious treat. They do have TV’s galore and games but the pigeon sized wings disappoint. The rest of the menu lacks luster as well. They do have some good sauces, just remember to order more wings than normal. Not the best place to eat but that cider makes it all worth going for.
It’s the NCAA Championship game, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center court. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the championship game and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first game we haven’t been to together since we got married in college. “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Best Patio
Knotty Pine
6947 Cheviot Road, Cincinnati, OH 45247
(513) 741-3900
My God it’s huge! They could book a second band just to play the patio. Seriously.
So, this pirate walks into a bar with a captain’s wheel crammed down the front of his pants and the bartender says, “Why have you got a captain’s wheel crammed down the front of your pants?”
And the pirate says, “Arrgh! and it’s driving me nuts.”
Best Place To Relax
Wise Old Owl Wine Bar
6206 Muhlhauser Rd West Chester, OH 45069
(513) 860-9463
A famed West Chester wine/tapas bar where “Everybody knows your name”. Delicious food and decent wine are paired with laid back service and live music.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it let out a little whine.
Best Karaoke Host
Mean Jean Steinmetz
With a name like “Mean Jean” it’s hard to imagine being a great host of anything, let alone karaoke night. Think again, Mean Jean gets her title due to her singing... as in “She can sing a mean....” You’ll need your props in place before taking her stage, it’s not amateur hour people. Well, I guess it is but it doesn’t sound like it!
Best Open Mic Host
Bob Cushing
Pete Denuzio
Bob Cushing hosting an Open Mic is like Jerry’s Little Band hosting an open jam.
If you go to play, you’d be best to sit in rather than soloing it. Try it and you’ll understand. The best part is who cares if anyone comes to play, you’ll still have Bob hosing you down with his wild Westside wickedness. You can’t go wrong.
You can go to Pete’s open mic on Mondays at Knotty Pine. If the Pine books him he must be good, not to mention he got hundreds of votes.
“What’s the difference between a solo artist and a large Pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.”
Best DJ
DJ Chin Chilla
We haven’t seen this DJ live but judging the facebook posts this is someone dedicated to the artistry of it all to say the least. Check it out, www.facebook.com/DJChinchillaa and see what we mean. It would be nice to see the name on more club schedules so we could check out the music in person.
“You DJ so bad that the clubs in your area advertise that you WONT be playing play at them.”
“You DJ so bad people keep asking you NOT to play songs.”
“You DJ so bad that a club asked you to be the closer... then they handed you a broom when you got there.”
Best Female Bartender
Judy at The Lounge
7740 Beechmont Ave Cincinnati, OH 45255
(513) 231-2401
Judy always wins this! Judy is your quintessential bartender. This is her 4th Best Of win in a row. Obviously she must be doing something right.
“How do you know that a female bartender is p*ssed off with you?
There’s a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary”
Best Male Bartender
Cole Weddle (The Knotty Pine)
Brad Douglass (The Knotty Pine)
6947 Cheviot Road, Cincinnati, OH 45247
(513) 741-3900
Honestly we don’t know Cole or Brad, but they wouldn’t be on the list if they didn’t have a legion of fans and that aint easy being a bartender. Why? Sometimes the line between “drunken fun” and “that ain’t funny” is a call that has to be made by the bartender. Folks are your best friend Friday night and curse you Saturday night when they get tossed out. It’s a rough gig people. We had thousands of votes a day and in the end Cole and Brad stole the gold and silver.
Interesting point: Cole, Brad and The Knotty Pine collectively received more votes than any other single business in any category.
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 shots. The bartender starts pouring, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down.
The bartender says, “Hey buddy what’s your hurry?”
The man replies, “if you had what I have you would do the same thing.”
The bartender backs up and says, “What do you have?”
As he’s drinking them he answers, “About a dollar in change!”
BEST BOUNCER
Cabo Mike Meadors
We don’t know how he did it or why but this guy won by a landslide. In fact, we don’t even know who he is or where he works.
Best Chef
Paul Barraco from 20brix
101 Main St, Milford, OH 45150
(513) 831-2749
Ooh La La! Chef Paul is what we need more of in Cincy. Chef Paul shows culinary maturity with his fine food. He maintains a superb balance between incorporating passion for the new, without over-doing anything in some exaggerated attempt to be progressive. That’s an all too common problem you see with competitive chef driven cuisine, especially here in our “savagely struggling to catch up” Cincy dining scene.
His classics stand out strong in their time honored roots & flavors. The artistry shines in the subtle manner he coaxes modern flair out of otherwise rock solid classic dishes. It’s a pro technique to be certain. Many local chefs are so desperate to impress us with their copies of cutting edge NY Chef cuisine and TV trends they end up serving us dishes so bastardized by over-zealous chefy-ness that the true essence of whatever the dish was is so lost in a sea of truffle oil and foie gras you can’t taste the forest for the micro greens.
Top 10 Pickup Lines Used By Chefs:
10. “Your eyes are like unfiltered chicken stock.”
9. “Sure we just met, but will you marinade me?”
8. “Cumin here often?”
7. “How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?”
6. “Come back to my place and kick it up a notch?”
5. “Hey, weren’t you in my ‘Introduction to Melons’ class?”
4. “We’ve now simmered for 25 minutes - time to come to a full boil!”
3. “You’re twice as sweet as a creme brulee - and less drippy.”
2. “Get out the buttah.”
1. “You’re making me crave sushi.”
Thanks
Specyphi